John Lennon And The Meteoric Rise Of Pro Vercelli

Lennon said `I'm an artist. You give me a fuckin' tuba and I'll get you something out of it.' – Frank Costello, The Departed

The international break rolls around every year at this time. Every year, just as title races all across Europe kick into overdrive and every game, every second, every action begins to have season-defining consequences, the international break pops up and disrupts the flow. For the avid football fan the phrase “international break” holds the same level of dread and apprehension as “surprise audit” or “tax return” in other walks of life.

So said fan is forced to go elsewhere to find his fix during the international break blues. Somehow the idea of Aaron Ramsey and Jack Wilshire going head-to-head in a glorified friendly just doesn’t cut the athletic mustard for the discerning fanatic. The success or lack thereof of the Rooney-Carroll partnership is not going to cause many sleepless nights. So this week I plunged myself into the digital ether in order to find a cure, a patch, something to tide me over until the Milan derby and the resumption of the Champions League.

What I found was genius. Although he is a well-known figure in the Twittersphere where he resides, the name Brian Phillips is unlikely to elicit more than a bemused expression and a mumbled reply along the lines of “Wasn’t he that actor from the sixties? Yeah, he was on ITV all the time when I was a lad.” This is a tragic state of affairs because, rather than playing Mike Steele in “Inside Job” Phillips is actually the editor of Run Of Play and a contributor to Slate magazine in the U.S.

I had been aware of Phillips work for some time and shared the sentiments of Chris Mann of Equaliser Blog fame when he said that Phillips “wrote one of the greatest sporting essays ever written” about the phenomenon that was Pele. However that was not what kept me riveted to my seat until nearly dawn, getting repetitive stress injury from going click, read, scroll, read, click. It wasn’t even an essay about a real person, place or club. It was the Football Manager universe. Everything was fictitious but read like the Brian Clough autobiography that never was. As Nicholson’s Frank Costello stated, give an artist anything and he can get you something out of it. While innumerable hacks sit pouring over drab ideas, Phillips has created a genuinely gripping series from a computer game. An entire narrative has been constructed and the people given real personalities. The coaches to games are the scenes of emotional trauma and joyful elation as little details flesh out this brave new world.

The story of Pro Vercelli’s progress from the lowest depths of Italian football to the giddy heights of European football was an exceptional read. With all the verve and dry self-deprecation of true great, Phillips reports on his journey with the provincial fallen giants in Football Manager. Of course it helps to be familiar with the insanely detailed world of the FM’s where the phrase “Letting the side down” is more than just a throw-away phrase, it summons up a wealth of experiences. Remember that time you took your bedraggled and desperate team and, with one speech, sent them out as tigers baying for blood?

But even if one is a newcomer to the world of FM, Phillips long-running series captivates to the point where missing sleep is preferable to missing the next instalment. Surely he should have seen Ibanez was never going to cut it in the unforgiving environs of Serie B? But he managed to unearth gems like Jose or Fabrizio “The Red Baron” Barone so surely the man knows what he’s doing.

His ascent through the leagues is supported – tolerated? – by his wife Siobhan who consents to cooking dishes from the Piedmont region of Italy as celebrations for his virtual successes. She details exactly what she does for her husband, hunting down various obscure ingredients to ensure authenticity as his managerial genius deserves. Never mind the incompetent fumblings of Walter Colombo, the real assistant in Vercelli’s meteoric rise is one S. Phillips. Andy Gray and Richard Keys, eat your hearts out.

As I read the adventures of Pro Vercelli, the familiar itch to challenge myself against this amazing game re-emerged and, as an homage to the wonderful Vercelli team that conquered all in its path, my new game was started as rivals Casale from the same region. We have endured a mediocre start to the season but from small beginnings and all that...

Brian Phillips and Pro Vercelli: http://www.runofplay.com/category/vercelli/

Champions League Quarter-Finals Reaction

Those pesky Germans hey? Always ruining it for others. Both Schalke 04 and Bayern Munich screwed me in the round of 16. Out of my eight predictions, six were proved correct but Schalke (by being too good) and Bayern (by being so poor) ruined a perfect sweep. Nevertheless, I shall continue undaunted and confidently make wild assertions about the Champions League Quarter-Finals.

Real Madrid vs. Tottenham Hotspur – Whatever happens against Madrid, this season has been truly incredible for Spurs. Redknapp and his boys have been the most exciting team to watch in the entire tournament. However, the outlook doesn’t look promising for their next European adventure.

Against AC Milan the Londoners were able to set a tempo that the Italians couldn’t match at times, particularly in the first leg. Yet the Rossoneri still managed to boss much of the tie and the Italian press claimed that Allegri’s team were very unlucky to exit. Both sides had serious injury concerns which influenced the result but with Gareth Bale ready to resume action alongside Modric, van der Vaart and Lennon Spurs certainly possess the pace and technique to trouble Madrid more than Lyon did.

However the forces of Mourinho looked rather tasty in the last round and the attacking quartet of Ronaldo, Ozil, Di Maria and Benzema or Higuain will almost certainly be too much for Gallas et al to deal with. If Spurs can return from Spain with something to fight for then they will stand a chance. The danger is likely to be getting spanked in the Santiago Bernabeu and rendering the second leg irrelevant.

Prediction: Real to establish a dominant lead in the first leg and finish the job at White Hart Lane

Chelsea vs. Manchester United – A repeat of the 2008 final. Prepare to hear that factoid again and again and again over the next few weeks. Neither side has really hit top form yet but United are still top of the league and that remarkable ability to grind out results might just decide the tie. With the second leg at Old Trafford Ferguson will feel happy enough to rely on United’s phenomenal home form to see them through.

Chelsea still haven’t quite adapted to playing with Fernando Torres but there is time before they take on United to tinker and try and square the circle to accommodate him. A lot will depend on the tactical approach Ancelotti takes. Anything other than a win at home will make progress very difficult indeed. However Chelsea have a big Indian sign over United at Stamford Bridge and will feel confident about getting a result to defend.

United for their part will be fretting over a serious defensive crisis with Rio Ferdinand, Rafael da Silva, Jonny Evans, Nemanja Vidic and John O’Shea all struggling for fitness. At the other end of the pitch the prospects look brighter though. The return of Antonio Valencia provides a cutting edge and directness that has been missing while Rooney is finally returning to top form and forming a very dangerous partnership with Javier Hernandez.

Prediction: A very tight affair, but United should just about squeak it. The most difficult tie to call

Barcelona vs. Shakhtar Donetsk – The Ukrainian side are very much dark horses in this tournament and the only Eastern European side left. But the strength of this Barcelona side is just unreal. Like a lead weight on a rubber sheet Guardiola’s side distort the entire competition as nobody else can approach their brilliance.

There is very little else that can be written about how excellent Barcelona are but Shakhtar should not be underestimated. This has been a very impressive season for the Miners so far and other sides will be relieved not to have drawn them. The trip to Ukraine is long and difficult. The Catalan fancy-dans will want to establish a strong lead in the first leg because the possibility of a surprise in the Donbass Arena should not be ruled out.

Prediction: Real shame to see the back of this Shakhtar side but this Barcelona side are freaks of nature and will set up a tie against mortal rivals Madrid. In the words of the immortal James Richardson: “Woof!”

Inter Milan vs. Schalke 04 – The final tie sees the champions taking on the now managerless German side. Leonardo is hardly known as a tactical genius but this Inter side are simply better than the Royal Blues. Furthermore the players look like they are really enjoying their football under the Brazilian.

Still, the way that Bayern cut them to ribbons at times in the last round doesn’t bode well for later rounds. Under Mourinho Inter would never have displayed the tactical naivety to give away three goals and a host more chances. Inter should beat Schalke fairly comfortably but going against either Chelsea or United will probably be a step too far for them.

Prediction: Inter will get to the semi-finals but Champions League retention will remain elusive as they crash out in the semi’s. Those pesky Germans hey? Always ruining it for others. Both Schalke 04 and Bayern Munich screwed me in the round of 16. Out of my eight predictions, six were proved correct but Schalke (by being too good) and Bayern (by being so poor) ruined a perfect sweep. Nevertheless, I shall continue undaunted and confidently make wild assertions about the Champions League Quarter-Finals.

Real Madrid vs. Tottenham Hotspur – Whatever happens against Madrid, this season has been truly incredible for Spurs. Redknapp and his boys have been the most exciting team to watch in the entire tournament. However, the outlook doesn’t look promising for their next European adventure.

Against AC Milan the Londoners were able to set a tempo that the Italians couldn’t match at times, particularly in the first leg. Yet the Rossoneri still managed to boss much of the tie and the Italian press claimed that Allegri’s team were very unlucky to exit. Both sides had serious injury concerns which influenced the result but with Gareth Bale ready to resume action alongside Modric, van der Vaart and Lennon Spurs certainly possess the pace and technique to trouble Madrid more than Lyon did.

However the forces of Mourinho looked rather tasty in the last round and the attacking quartet of Ronaldo, Ozil, Di Maria and Benzema or Higuain will almost certainly be too much for Gallas et al to deal with. If Spurs can return from Spain with something to fight for then they will stand a chance. The danger is likely to be getting spanked in the Santiago Bernabeu and rendering the second leg irrelevant.

Prediction: Real to establish a dominant lead in the first leg and finish the job at White Hart Lane

Chelsea vs. Manchester United – A repeat of the 2008 final. Prepare to hear that factoid again and again and again over the next few weeks. Neither side has really hit top form yet but United are still top of the league and that remarkable ability to grind out results might just decide the tie. With the second leg at Old Trafford Ferguson will feel happy enough to rely on United’s phenomenal home form to see them through.

Chelsea still haven’t quite adapted to playing with Fernando Torres but there is time before they take on United to tinker and try and square the circle to accommodate him. A lot will depend on the tactical approach Ancelotti takes. Anything other than a win at home will make progress very difficult indeed. However Chelsea have a big Indian sign over United at Stamford Bridge and will feel confident about getting a result to defend.

United for their part will be fretting over a serious defensive crisis with Rio Ferdinand, Rafael da Silva, Jonny Evans, Nemanja Vidic and John O’Shea all struggling for fitness. At the other end of the pitch the prospects look brighter though. The return of Antonio Valencia provides a cutting edge and directness that has been missing while Rooney is finally returning to top form and forming a very dangerous partnership with Javier Hernandez.

Prediction: A very tight affair, but United should just about squeak it. The most difficult tie to call

Barcelona vs. Shakhtar Donetsk – The Ukrainian side are very much dark horses in this tournament and the only Eastern European side left. But the strength of this Barcelona side is just unreal. Like a lead weight on a rubber sheet Guardiola’s side distort the entire competition as nobody else can approach their brilliance.

There is very little else that can be written about how excellent Barcelona are but Shakhtar should not be underestimated. This has been a very impressive season for the Miners so far and other sides will be relieved not to have drawn them. The trip to Ukraine is long and difficult. The Catalan fancy-dans will want to establish a strong lead in the first leg because the possibility of a surprise in the Donbass Arena should not be ruled out.

Prediction: Real shame to see the back of this Shakhtar side but this Barcelona side are freaks of nature and will set up a tie against mortal rivals Madrid. In the words of the immortal James Richardson: “Woof!”

Inter Milan vs. Schalke 04 – The final tie sees the champions taking on the now managerless German side. Leonardo is hardly known as a tactical genius but this Inter side are simply better than the Royal Blues. Furthermore the players look like they are really enjoying their football under the Brazilian.

Still, the way that Bayern cut them to ribbons at times in the last round doesn’t bode well for later rounds. Under Mourinho Inter would never have displayed the tactical naivety to give away three goals and a host more chances. Inter should beat Schalke fairly comfortably but going against either Chelsea or United will probably be a step too far for them.

Prediction: Inter will get to the semi-finals but Champions League retention will remain elusive as they crash out in the semi’s.